Tuesday, September 28, 2010
This is my blog:)
Beautiful is my uniform is a blog about self love covering all topics anywhere from weight loss, acne, and low self esteem, to depression, dating, divorce and becoming a new mom. Here we can be humans by discussing our flaws and celebrating our strong points. As a mother, a student, a wife, and an entertainer, I struggle with all kinds of self esteem challenges. What are yours? Let's talk :)
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Hi! To this day I have self esteem issues all down to my other blaming me for everything wrong in her world from having to give up work to give birth to ne all the way through to losing her job due to her drinking.
ReplyDeleteTo thus day many years later I struggle to believe anything good in life including nearly destroying my marriage because I could not believe someone beautiful could want me.
Hope that gets folks thinking :)
During my pregnancy I have found my biggest challenge is finding beauty in my pregnant body. Our world focuses on the skinny body frame to be beautiful and because my body needs to be big during pregnancy for a healthy baby I have had a hard time accepting this.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand I have excelled with my work at Dempsey Film Group and am ready to be a Mommy and teach my Son everything that I can and show him the world.. with this I can say with confidence. I hope to find my self confidence for my body once my child is born.
Hello Syleena... I hope you take a look at mine sometimes... http://yhwh1972.blogspot.com/ - Good night Beautiful...
ReplyDeleteI think many of my challenges stem from childhood and being teased my people. Kids don't realize the effect they can have on others. However, with maturity you learn to deal with that.
ReplyDelete@ Lindsey I know exactly how you feel!! I am almost 6 months pregnant and I absolutely hate the fact that my nose has spread, I have gained almost 20 pounds so far, and all this right after I just lost all of my baby weight from my 3 year old earlier this year! So I understand! But you are beautiful:)! and pregnant women are even MORE beautiful! you have been chosen by God to carry a life and nurture it. Motherhood is amazing! You will lose the weight because you are strong and disciplined! And don't stress out. Some people have trouble with their weight because of eating habits and other negative reasons. God has given you the go to gain weight and relax:) So do just that:) Trust me, when that cute little button arrives the last thing you will be worried about is your weight:)!
ReplyDelete@ Mikey Mikey Thank you for sharing that story! I also went through that with my ex husband. His mother died when we had just met and he had anger issues because of it. He took those anger issues out on me in more ways then one. It took me 2 years to realize that I couldn't fix what was wrong with him, nor could I let him break what was right about me. Beautiful is your uniform, it is hard to love ourselves and know how beautiful we are inside and out, but it is who we are, if we believe so:) We become what we think we are.
ReplyDeleteThe challenge that I constantly struggle with is losing weight and getting under 200lbs. I started off at 227lbs early this year and now I'm at 212lbs. Thanks to one of my favorite cousin's and God, it's slowly coming off. I also struggle with being 32 years old and single. I've been single for 4 years and often wonder if it's me and if
ReplyDeleteI'm not good enough.
@ Dalila beautiful is your uniform!!! Your beauty has nothing to do with others opinions and it doesn't come from others thoughts and expectations of you. Beauty comes from within and you have an abundance of it. Losing weight is mental, your dress size does NOT define who you are. Your kids don't see you as a number on the scale, your true friends and family do not judge you by wether or not you will lose weight or how you will wear your hair or what name brand of clothes you have on. It is how you make them feel when you are in their presence! This is how Your soulmate will see you when God has finished working on him for you. Single means by yourself, but you are never alone::)
ReplyDeleteOne thing I've struggled with is self esteem issues and depression. I was teased and hated growing up, I never knew who to trust. Due to this I did things to protect myself. I created walls, hurt feelings, and created an image of a girl who was heartless. I believed showing emotions was a sign of weakness. I also felt that if I could come as close to perfect, I wouldn't have to hear the hurtful things people might say. I go over board worrying about my appearance and even then I still feel that everyone looks better. I act vain so people never know that I actually have issues with myself. I have been so affected by the things people say, I often hold myself back. I doubt myself and at times Im actually afraid to believe in my dreams. As I look at myself I soon realized that I dealt with my pain in the wrong way. I constantly hold all my feelings inside (once again afraid of what people might say) and sit alone and cry! I cant even believe Im writing this. Dealing with depression is something I never thought I would have to deal with. God is a large part of my life and my faith really is what helps me to have the strength to fight to be the best me.
ReplyDelete@Robin Robin, Beautiful is your uniform! I also know where you are coming from with this. I was also bullied in grammar school and sometimes the pain of it still haunts me. I don't trust people to this day, and I have a guard up because i think people generally want to hurt me. This enables me to have effective relationships but this part of my life has sharpened my ability to determine good from bad people in my life.. I was teased for being tall and having parents who were trying to be somebody in the community. I was teased for having good grades, etc. Kids are cruel, and I fear for my sons. However, you must know that beauty lies with in you. This can NEVER be taken away from you. You must let go of the past pains and open up your heart to embark on a new better future filled with love and trust. God will protect your heart because it belongs to him. You are beautiful:) You must know this, walk this, talk this and live this everyday and by the power of your tongue and mind, it will become you. You know what prayer does. . . It changes things, so keep praying cause you never stand taller than when you are on your knees:)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in high school I was teased for being pretty. I was told that I was stuck up and that I thought I was cute. So because of this I began to negatively speak of myself around others so they wouldn't think I believed I was cute. I was made to feel as though being cute was a curse. I allowed others insecurities to control and create my own. I now know "Beautiful is My Uniform" because I am a child of God. We are all beautiful and we deserve to love ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I have ever "struggled" with these particular issues in my life, but I am definitely aware that I think of them sometimes. I always thought my skin color was fine and normal and beautiful, but after hearing things like "You're cute to be dark skinned" or "He's not into dark skinned women" or just being overlooked in general because of my complexion... I started to wonder what was wrong with people. I also have a gap in my teeth. When I was younger I hated it a bit, but it never overwhelmed my thoughts... when I got older I realized it was the same gap my mother had and I would never close it up. That was her beauty mark that she passed to me. The almighty weight issue is what it is, but sometimes my confidence won't allow me to go workout. Go figure! I have to look at it "health wise" to get up and go because I think my size 12 jeans are what's up. :)
ReplyDeleteMy struggle and insecurity was/is my smile and skin. As a teenager as well as, well into my adulthood, I was teased about one or the other or both. I hated my skin and my teeth. Now that I've gotten my teeth corrected, I have a hard time showing them. I perfected smiling with a closed mouth for so long, I feel like I look stupid showing my teeth. As for my skin, I've struggled with acne for years. I'm told almost on a daily that I'm attractive. But I still struggle with myself when I look at ME! Due to the years of being teased and ridiculed.
ReplyDeleteMy issue was when I was growing up. It was the complete opposite of Sylette's, with the same result. Always being teased and told I was ugly...by everyone. I developed a complex being called porch monkey, African booty scratcher, Blackie, Burnt and Crispy. I thought there was something wrong with me being dark skinned and desperately wished my skin was lighter and I was cute. It affected my self esteem to the point I felt awkward...I wasn't outgoing or engaging...always quiet. Felt like no one found me interesting. Never had many friends as a kid. I never went to prom, homecoming, or any school dance...guys didn't ask me out. It wasn't until I was about 17 when boys showed interest in me and I also gained true self-awareness by joining the Umoja Youth Group. That was the turning point for me...having mentors (Lee and Doreen) who I cannot thank enough. I learned about our history and culture, and the true meaning of beauty (which can only be defined by you). That helped me find my confidence from the inside out. Once I stopped questioning myself and showed confidence, people started showing genuine interest in me. I began surrounding myself with the right people. I'd say it was around age 19 when I really found myself and I thank God for giving me the guidance and strength to overcome it all. Although I will admit there's a part of me that still finds it shocking sometimes when people actually pay attention to me. I believe it's because I'm always suspicious of people being fake (stems from childhood), but this is also why I converse with people. You can find out what you need to know about people if you listen and ask the right questions.
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ReplyDeleteMan where do I start, being a dark skinned male in the 80's in my neighborhood in Chicago was a nightmare for me. It was the reason I stayed in trouble at school. The Reason I had no puppy love experiences, and overall the Reason why my self esteem was in the toilet for so many years.
ReplyDeleteIn School, I was always fighting because some boy or girl kept picking at me with dark jokes. It kept my mother coming to the school to deal with my anger issues. After a while when people didnt shut up, I didnt care who it was, I swung on them. I would always end up in the principals office. Most teachers knew me before I got to their classes, the lunch lady knew me because on the days it got too much I used to sit by myself in the lunchroom and they would circle around me to try to make me go sit back with my class. I felt like nobody cared about the hell I was catching. Girls would tell me I would never have a girlfriend because I was too ugly, Guys making fun of me to make the girls laugh. My most embarrassing moment is when I hit this girl in the middle of an assembly for constantly making fun of me during the whole thing. They drug me out of there like a criminal. All I wanted was to be left alone I didnt like hurting people but they were hurting me so my attitude was fuck them and fuck their life before I swung on em. I never hit a girl after that I felt so bad, but anyway...
I had no puppy love experiences because most girls I encountered would blatantly call me ugly to my face. Tell me no girl would want my black charcoal ugly azz. Girls would play like they would like me until I started to believe it. Blowing kisses across class, sendin notes, all just to embarass me in front of everybody when I approached them on it. In high school, when we were in the mall trying to get phone numbers, my friends always came up but never me. Girls I would try to talk to really wanted my friends. Since I wasnt a hater I would hook them up lol. When I finally did pull a girl in high school, I was so shocked that she even wanted to talk to me. Guys around me who knew me from grade school were shocked because she was light skinned long hair "pretty" girl. Like I wasnt supposed to be dating her..UNBELIEVABLE.
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ReplyDeleteWhich brings me to my self Esteem. All of the taunting made me look at myself all the time like what was wrong with me. No matter where I went I caught this same drama. Even Sunday School, chicks was callin me Smokey. There was no escaping it so I thought. It made me a very cautious individual. It made me very picky on the women I chose to approach. If you even looked like you focused on too much exterior things about yourself, I didnt mess with you like that. Which is why in my single life "pretty" chicks were out of the equation. Didnt pay em no mind at all. Which is probably why some women I tried to talk to back then thought I was boring. Im not one to tell women how beautiful they are all the time. I was more concerned with how they thought. I didnt have the option of being shallow about anything.
ReplyDeleteI always felt I had to do special things to keep people from focusing so much on how dark I was or how pink my bottom lip is. Which is why I got good at sports, got good at dancing, or regularly displayed how smart or how talented I was in certain things.I always felt like I wasnt that dude women would notice walking in a room, that type of shyt only happened to my friends.
A turning point came in high school when I learned about my history and culture. I was the complexion of my ancestors and they were strong enough to deal with challenges in their life, so why couldnt I do it. It was literally a new life for me, which is why I wear the Ankhs all the time. Its more of a symbolism of a change in my self esteem. I still have remnants of those thoughts with me to this day. I still think women dont pay me much attention, its just that now I really dont care so much because Im married lol. I proved a lot of people wrong just by doing that alone. We all still works in progess but so much of early life shapes your thinking. Just cant let it keep us from being who we truly are....
@syleecia, beautiful I your uniform;) It is interesting that you say that most of your issues stem from childhood. I think for most of us our drama stems from childhood and this is a huge dilemma because this is something that is extremely hard to erase. It is our past which has shaped us to become who we are in this moment. You mentioned maturity as a vehicle for those to eventually correct itself,but as I read the heartfelt entries of the souls of others,it appears that time hasn't been the remedy. If not, then I guess the question we should ask ourselves is " What is the medicine that going to evoke self love or inner peace with self"? And is it for sale? Or maybe it's like vitamin D. Just 15 minutes of sunshine and it naturally creates itself with you;)
ReplyDelete@Tosha , beautiful is your uniform. It is so funny how prejudice is so prevalent not only between different races, but even interracially. Even though I am caramel colored, I still wanted to be lighter. Even though I had long beautiful hair, I still wanted it to be longer. I was always the tallest girl in the class and I longed to be shorter, even though I was a star athlete because of it. I never struggled with my weight until my first year in college and even then it was no big deal, until I became a recording artist and the lights and camera were on me everywhere I went. It also didn't help that my mother and aunts and grandmother all had curly pretty hair and are light skinned. And I have the kind of mom who doeskin' t let u forget a bad hair day,or if my face had broken out. To this day, she refers to my son as chocolate. Loving him to death she does but it Is a subconcious behavior that people period have adapted. now a simple description Of another person can ruin a spirit. Some will say, knowing who your are in Christ solidifies the true beauty of self. But what about those who haven't discovered Christ yet? Growing in Jesus is an entirely separate task to be perfected over years of learning and living. What can we do to stop this chain?
ReplyDelete@Tauni beautiful IS your uniform. Unfortunately, I know what it is like to have acne and be teased for it. In the 7th grade, Howard McClain called me pizza face and it stayed with me throughout my life. It is literally debilitating,especially since no one and mean no one in my family except 2 of my baby cousins suffered from acne ever. My sisters to this day have never worn makeup more than eye lip gloss and pressed powder unless it was a special occasion,while at 34 I still wear products like derma blend to hide acne scars. When I gaunt out I was pregnant this time, my face broke out so badly,that I didn't want to leave my house. Cried looking in the mirror daily,and often asked God "Why me?" even though my face has cleared up, I can still see the scars emotional pain that reminds me of how ugly I thought I was. This is why God created dermatologist because acne is a disorder that cannot be cured. Most people don't realize that and treat u like it's your fault. Like food or drinks will fix it and cure it forever. Or like we don't take care of ourselves well so this is why we suffer.it's a great thing I know that beautiful is my uniform. And you know what the reason why when others tell u u are pretty to don't believe it is because u have not put your uniform on. It is hard work training your mind to know positive things about urself. If u really truly believed u were beautiful, then when others say it,it is just confirmation;) Now put ur uniform on honey and go to work!
ReplyDelete@ everyone sorry for the typos, I am on the hunt for my eyeglasses;)
ReplyDelete@DJ Meti and Tamekia, beautiful is definitely your uniform! It appears that the both of you have gone through some of the same issues. Since I know the two of you personally, I think it is safe to say that you are each others soulmate. God knew what he was doing when you both went through what you went through and he knew that putting you together would be the ultimate union. You would never know the struggles that the both of you went through because of how beautiful your friendship is and the love that you have for each other. It shines wherever we are:) I am glad that you trusted us to share your stories. I am honored that everyone who has commented has trusted enough to share our stories. Now let's talk about how our past has shaped us, and can we reshape it to what we want now?
ReplyDeleteYes Syleena, Curtis and I have a life story that is too similar LOL.
ReplyDeleteBut I think all of our stories go to show that you can't tell what a person has really gone through by looking at them and that open and honest discussion reveals that we often have more in common than we think. We are all flawed, imperfect and hopefully still a work in progress. I always say...there's a process to progress.
@ Tamekia, You are absolutely right!
ReplyDeleteTHE NEXT DISCSSUION I WANT TO EMBARK ON IS TO THE PARENTS AND ASPIRING PARENTS. What are your thoughts on bullying and teenage suicides? Does it start in the home? Are the parents completely at fault? How do you feel about the current rise of crime and kidnappings in the United states? I fear for my boys! Let's talk about it:)
I am a single mom and was just told to leave my fiance' but i cant he isn't what people make him he is a great man loving and caring!!
ReplyDelete@ nevaehsmommy why do they tell you to leave then?
ReplyDeleteToday my biggest challenge that I am dealing with is that I donot have such clear skin. I wouldnt say that it is acne its just the spots they leave behind, but pick at them so I guess that has something to do with that. :)
ReplyDeleteHello jmdixon:) Beautiful is your uniform! I have this same problem! However, makeup is a beautiful thing. I understand that you would like to not have to wear make up. I feel this way too, but it may be inevitable because acne is a dosorder that has no cure. However, there are things that you can do to fade them:) I believe that if you go to a dermatologist, you will get great answers and they will put you on medication that will clear your skin right up. If you can't afford one, then I would suggest stop picking and changing your diet some. Sometimes it is hormonal too, so make sure you are taking the proper amount of omega 3's:) Either way, don't let it get you donw, it is just cosmetic, and you true beauty lies within:)
ReplyDeleteHello everyone!!! I wanted to share my dream with you that scared the living daylights out of me! I dreamed that someone took my child , right while I was standing there and even after chasing that assailant, i couldn't catch up to him!Needless to say I woke in tears. has any one ever had a dream that has scared them to death this way?
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